We all want “good” kids. How do we achieve this?
Everyone wants to raise their child in the best way possible. Our children deserve to grow older and not have to correct behaviors that we taught them.
The biggest problem is, we are raising children and we are lost ourselves.
We turn to self-help books, gentle parenting seminars, glorifying people who don’t raise their voice at their children, and we crave patience. In return, we shame ourselves for doing the very things that we wished we hadn’t.
Looking at them while they sleep and having our self-conscious tear us apart at the same time. It’s all so confusing this parenting thing.
We have no idea what we are doing when it comes to raising a child, but we show up everyday prepared. And yet, we still feel as if we fell short throughout the day.
The fulfillment of raising your children better isn’t a step they have to take, it is our step. We have to work on ourselves from the inside out. The greatest part yet is we don’t have to do it alone.
Appreciate the way you were raised
Of course, easier said than done.Some of us feel we weren’t raised right and our parents could have done better.
Others feel their parents were the absolute best and gave them everything they needed to survive in life.
The simple truth is they did the best they could have. We need to take the steps to appreciate the way we were raised and give our parents grace.
At the end of the day I am not here to judge how you raise your kids. I’m writing this for the ones who want to do things differently and are looking for a starting point.
There is truly a lesson in everything you’ve been through. Look at how you raised and pull the good from it.
I count on God to help me see the positive in everything I experienced as a child, and appreciate the lessons I learned along the way (and there was many). Everything was a test of my spirit and faith, you truly go through everything for a reason. Let God do his will through you.
Apologize to your Children
It is a hard thing to forgive when you were wronged. Especially, if the other person has no intention of apologizing. We all teach our children to “say sorry” right.
But, how often do we apologize to them when we have wronged them. Your answer should be all the time.
We expect our children to have higher standards than we do. And, yet, we don’t respect them. We want them to say sorry every time they have done wrong, yet they never see us do it.
Modeling the behavior we want to see in our children is the best you can do for them. If you have wronged your child, humble yourself and apologize to them. Show them respect in return you will see them do it to you and others.
Jesus Christ talks about before you give a sacrifice to the Lord if you have wronged your brother, leave your sacrifice at the altar, go to your brother and mend the relationship, then come back and complete the sacrifice.
Sacrifice doesn’t mend the trespass against your brother. If you give the Lord a sacrifice it doesn’t mend the relationship with your brother. Yet, you are asking for your sins to be forgiven by the Lord. You have to fix that relationship first humbly, then sacrifice to be forgiven.
The same goes for children. As parents we feel we have sacrificed enough for our children and that alone should satisfy their needs. I’m telling you it doesn’t.
We feel they should respect us because of our sacrifices.
First I want to say that you can not sacrifice for your child. Your “JOB” is to raise them and to love them. If you love them, nothing you do for them is a sacrifice.
If you and your child have nothing to eat but one slice of bread between you. And you give your child the entire slice of bread to eat. You can not think of that as a sacrifice that is out of love for your child.
And I can almost guarantee if the child was raised seeing you all always modeling this behavior they will offer you half of the slice of bread you have given them.
I say this, so when you go to apologize to your child after you have wronged them to do it out of LOVE and respect for your child. Because you have hurt them and want to genuinely mend it. Not because you should or its the right thing to do.
Model the Behavior you want to see
Children learn from what they see us do. You hear this time and time again. If you have children you have experienced this on multiple occasions.
They pick up on what we do so easily. Have you ever been in the bathroom brushing your teeth and your child reaches for their toothbrush to do the same. Or in the kitchen cooking and your child wants to get up so they can see what you are doing.
Every time your child does this they are learning from what they see you do, so they can mimic the same behavior. They also can pick up from outside sources, but what you do is more impactful because you are their parent, their inspiration.
If you are always mindful of what you are doing around them, you will have no problem in guiding them in the way you want them to go because they are doing what they see you do.
Even with things they don’t want to do. I can’t tell you how many times I have started to clean the house and my son has gotten up and helped me, or started to clean his room on his own.
Telling him to clean his room is always a different story. Usually, when I tell him to clean his room I get some push back. I’ve noticed at the times when I tell him to do something. I’m not doing anything but commanding him. I’m not modeling the behavior I want from him at that exact moment.
You may be thinking, I don’t have to model the behavior if I tell them to do something they should do it. Which is very true. It’s called obedience and honoring thy parents, right.
So how did I combat this?
I keep a consistent schedule. On Friday or Saturday night we clean the entire house. If he doesn’t want his room to be on the list of chores he does it ahead of time. If he decides not to then it is added to his list of weekend chores.( which is very minimal chores)
I also allow him something as well. I stay consistent with this every week. What my son chooses to do is go to the store after school on Wednesday or Thursdays and pick out one snack under 3$.
All I did was model a different behavior I wanted to see him do. Then, I modeled a consistent behavior, allowed him free will to choose, and added a mild consequence.
Are you disciplining for your OWN gain or to guide your Child
What I wholeheartedly mean by this is when we discipline our children it is some ill-intent behind the disciplining. And this ill-intent behind the discipline is usually selfish.
When I use to discipline my children I would do it because they didn’t do what I told them to do when I asked. So a spirit of disrespect filled me. I did it because I felt disrespected.
There was absolutely no guidance from Lord for my children. When I started raising my children with the guidance of the LORD everything became a lesson.
No longer did I want them to obey me, I wanted them to obey God. I needed them to know the importance of obeying God above me. And through HIM they would gain righteous behaviors.
My discipline no longer was self absorbed, based on what I wanted them to do. But, to always do the will of the Lord and to please him.
I ask God everyday to humble me. Just because I am a parent and I gave birth to my children I am not better and greater than them. They deserve the same respect that I once demanded they give me.
In the eyes of the Lord we are all his children one no more than the other.
I keep this in mind when raising my children.
All in All
I pray this message reach whoever needs to hear it and you take what is given to you and multiply it. Sending nothing but love your way!
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